Tuesday, June 26, 2007

On Vacation...but don't desert me!

My family and I are off to Mississippi tomorrow for two weeks, so my newly born, infant Blog will have to survive without me. I considered leaving Captain Sparrow in charge, but that just doesn't seem a good idea! He'll have to wait on the Black Pearl until I return. I hope little Blog doesn't get into any trouble...(hide the rum)

But YOU, dear reader, still need to SMILE, ...ye may have read these before, but they still bring a grin, or grimace to my face! :

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A. (missed this one at first!)

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse..

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. (grimace!)

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. (not a pretty sight!)

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.


Enjoy Silliness!!

1 comment:

Goddess of Leonie said...

oh my goddess...
these are TOO funny lizbeth...

"and then it hit me"

love that one!

thank you for the smile today :D